Hiding The Future
by Nuttyginger
Summary: A little story of me exploring how Conner, Cordelia and Angel ould end up in the future!! I love to not give nething away!
1. Shattered Glass

Disclaimer: Ain't mine and until i get out of uni, pay off my £14,000 debt and win the lottery (we all know it's a sham) the they will never be mine so Joss and David are just looking after them for me.  
  
Summary: A little story of me exploring how Conner, Cordelia and Angel ould end up in the future!! I love to not give nething away!  
  
I'm not losing my shipperish here, just exploring it from a different angle and trust me it ain't not B/A!!!  
  
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Hiding The Future  
  
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Chapter 1 - 'Shattered Glass'  
  
Cordelia's PoV  
  
I lay here in 'our' bed. He isn't with me. He's sitting in his chair and staring out of the window as the rain pelts down, cutting through the darkness like tiny daggers. I've grown poetic in my wisdom. I think it was all those poems Angel read to me when I was in the coma, well between all the despair he tried to calm me down by reading me a poetry book. That memory makes me smile. It's one from the old days. We don't have many happy memories anymore. We dance around each other, pretending to be happy, pretending to be in love but we're not, I don't know if we ever were. Don't get me wrong...I loved him but he doesn't love me the same way back so it doesn't count as being in real love. I know that as he sits by the window he is thinking of her. We haven't mentioned her name in 6 years. We have spent the last three years thinking about her though. You ask why do I stay if he has been loving someone else for the last 3 years of our relationship...the honest answer is that I am scared. Scared to let her win, scared to let him go...scared to be alone. I shouldn't be so scared of being alone, I have been alone all my life...all my life until I came to LA. I was alone when I was a kid because my parents were never around and the nannies never lasted long before mother caught them sleeping with daddy. They were always away on foreign holidays and business trips while I was shipped off to an aunts who ignored me anyway. School wasn't a welcome haven. I was alone there as well. Harmony must have thought I was as stupid as she was. I knew they were sheep, I knew that is my popularity they liked, not me, The emptiness turned me into 'Queen C'. But then I came to LA. No masks, no Cordettes and no parents. You would have thought that I would have felt more alone than ever but I didn't; I felt free. Then I met Angel and all-of-a-sudden I had a family and a place I belonged, people and a brood Vampire who accepted me for who I was. But then Conner was kidnapped 3 years ago and he walked away from me. We don't make love, we find comfort, he doesn't look at me with the same wistful face he has when he looks at his computer screen. The face Angel looked at Buffy with.  
  
He thinks I don't know about the computer thing but I do. The password wasn't too hard. For a Vampire that has been around for 250 years he is not very original. One day he left on a vision and I sat down at the computer in his office. I knew that if I got through the first screen I had lost him to her once again. I shakily keyed in the characters 'B-U-F-F-Y' and hit enter. The screen dissolved and revealed a picture of her sitting under a tree, a book in her lap and the sun shining on her bottle-blonde hair as his wallpaper. I felt my heart shatter and pain ripped through me. I couldn't handle it. I realised that night as we made 'love' that I hadn't just lost him, I had never had him. When we became lovers he admitted that he would always love Buffy in a way 'cos he was his first love but it only hit me in that moment just how much he loved her. I am sure that he has tried to convince himself that he loved me just like I did with him but sadly Angel has never been very good at convincing anyone never mind himself.  
  
I watch him as he sits, he knows I'm awake. I am lucky that he is still in the same building as me. Usually I would reach over and find a cold empty space beside me and I would know that he had left for the town where this all started. It's a long distance stalking thing. That is dedication, to drive 2 hours just to watch a former love...maybe it is just weird!  
  
I climb out of bed and slip on my discarded Chinese silk robe and padded over to him. I reach out and touch him with my hands. As soon as my fingers touch his shoulder he recoils slightly from me then as way of apology, he'll slowly reach up and places his cold hand over mine. He doesn't reflect in the window but I can see that he is still with her in his mind. I crouch down in front of him and pull his face so he will snap out his dream and look at ME!  
  
"Angel" I start but I can't finish.  
  
"Didn't see you there Cora," He still calls by his own little nickname. "Good morning." He doesn't reach out to kiss me like a boyfriend would, he just turns back to his window.  
  
"We need to talk!" I say gaining a little more guts.  
  
"Did you have a vision? I'll call Gunn, you get a glass of water." He goes to stand up but I sit him back down before he can stand upright.  
  
"Angel, this isn't fair on any of us. I can't go on with this." I say, my voice just a knife edge from breaking.  
  
"You want to give up the visions? I thought they didn't hurt anymore." I have to stop myself from picking him up and cuddling him for his naivety.  
  
"No this." I motioned a hand between us. "We have been friends for 6 years, been through a lot together but neither of us deserve this anymore. I know that you don't love me like I loved you. You don't want to be here with me, you want to be with B--, Bu--" Why is it so hard to say a name? "Buffy!" A name foreign from lips but familiar to my mind.  
  
He looks up and for a second he has desire and longing at the mention of her name but then his eyes go distant again. "I want to be here with you. You need me. The visions have to be fought."  
  
I cringe inside...so that's what's kept him. I take a deep breath. Firstly I was his best friend and best friends sacrifice to make the other friend happy. I'm going to have to live up to my end now. "Don't you get it Angel. I'm getting rid of the visions, you aren't needed anymore. I don't want you HERE anymore. I don't want YOU." I can see the hurt in his eyes as I shout in front of him with my hands on my hips so he'll believe me. "Go to Sunnydale because I don't want you here anymore. Lorne is going to send me back to Pylea so I can sleep with Groo and get rid of the visions, then I might bring Groo back and move away. I am really begining to hate LA, too many bad memories and demons. Think I might try Hawaii. It's nice and sunny and lets face it, I haven't been able to get a sun tan in 6 years." I can tell the last words broke him.  
  
"If that's what you want." He got up and pulled his grey jumper over his head that I bought him for his 'birthday'. He loves that jumper. He pulled out his duffel bag from under his side of the bed and careful placed his shirts and trousers in it, his hair gel, underwear and toothbrush on top. I flinched at the closing of the zip, it sounded like my heart breaking all afresh. I can hear the duster rubbing over his jumper as he pulls it on. If he's taking his duster, he's not coming back!  
  
It's my turn to stare out of the window, that way I can't see him leave. I can feel him turn around to look at me but then he's gone. I stand tall by he window, the robe wrapped around my body. I see him leave the hotel and look up as he climbs into the car. he mouths something but I can't tell what. My legs can't hold me anymore so I surrender and collapse to the floor, my hair sticking to my face as the tears leave a wet trail down my cheeks. I can here the Plymouth roar off and I can no longer hold back the tide of tears. I'll convince myself in years to come that he mouthed 'I Love You' as he left.  
  
OK what ya think? This is part of a series…no matter how much I didn't want it to be so watch out for the next tomorrow…hopefully. Oh yeah and please review!  
  
OK what ya think? This is part of a series…no matter how much I didn't want it to be so 


	2. Long Road Ahead

Hiding The Future  
  
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Chapter 2 - 'Long Road Ahead'  
  
Angels PoV  
  
What am I doing?! I don't know why I am driving away. Yes I do. She told me to. I left 'cos Cordelia told me too. No I didn't I left because I am a coward. I can't help it. Put me in front of 3 Canvar demons, a couple of Vampire Nests, a mall full of people and I will fight but give me matters of the heart and I want to run away. So that's what I am doing, running away from her, from the memories, from everything. I have lost everything. Conner, Wesley and now Cordelia. I think I lost Cordelia a long time ago. A small part of me blamed her for Conners death because she was busy Kumsucking or whatever with Groo instead of helping me protect my son.  
  
Have you ever had that feeling when you want what could have been. I have thought like that everyday since I first kissed Buffy. I have thought what it would be like kissing Buffy instead of Cordelia, laughing with Buffy instead of Cordelia. It's natural isn't it? I couldn't help compare Buffy and Cordelia even thought they are completely different people. I was scared, yeah a 251 year old Vampire scared, that the same thing would happen to me and Cordelia that happened to me and Buffy. It plagued my dreams, my thoughts, it spun in my mind until it took over everything else. Every thing that I said, would worry me, would drive me to paranoia. In the end I didn't say 'I love you' anymore to Cordelia because when I told Buffy, it got complicated and we knew we shouldn't be together. I was scared for my soul. We we're told by the Powers that Cordelia could anchor my soul but still I worried that there would be a time when it my fail. So I detached myself from the situation and let her feel satisfaction. My satisfaction from the smile on her face. Over time she noticed and stop smiling. Sure there was that 100 mega watt smile but it was the fake smile she used to give people. I felt ashamed that I had drawn her down to this level. She couldn't even smile anymore.  
  
That's why I am in the car driving under the moonlight. I'm driving because I have pushed her to a point where she wants rid of the visions and is instead turning to Groo who can make her happy and doesn't brood half as much as I do. I'm passing the sign now which means there's no turning back. 'Welcome to Sunnydale' only somebody had crossed out 'dale' in black spray paint and scrawled 'Hell' instead so the sign read 'Welcome to SunnyHell'. It was going to be Hell but it was the only place I had left to turn now. I didn't want to be alone again...I've spent to long alone. It only takes a few minutes to reach her door from the entrance to the town. The lights are on. I look through the window before I knock on the door, just to check that she still lives there. She is sitting watching TV with Dawn curled up under her arm. An empty pot of Ben and Jerry's is sitting on the coffee table and they are both laughing. I look at the TV and see they are watching Xander and Anya's wedding video. I see Buffy turn towards the window and I duck. I move towards the door. Once I knock, I can't turn back...this would be it. I rap lightly and stand back. She might not even answer it, she might not hear it and then I can escape to where ever I can. Anywhere except LA!  
  
I hear the key being unlocked in the door. As it opens I see the little brunette that I remember being a foot smaller, unruly hair and permanently scruffy jeans. She's now 18 and looking like her sister more and more except she had hair like Cordelias. I felt the pain echo in my heart...maybe over time it would fade. Dawnie gasped and I wished she hadn't. I heard Buffy run from the living room to the door in a matter of seconds.  
  
"What's going on Dawn?" Buffy asked looking at Dawn, not the door and she looked up. Her faced flashed so many emotions that I didn't know what she was thinking.  
  
We stood and stared at each other for a few minutes before Dawnie rolled her eyes in Cordelia fashion and said 'Gees, say something would ya?'  
  
"Hi Buffy." I thought that was a nice and easy start. If we could keep the small talk up for a while, maybe we could keep small talk until I felt I had the strength to tell her why I was here. No such luck.  
  
"Angel come in. You are still...em...aren't you."  
  
"A Vampire?" I finish for her. "Yeah, you can't cure it!" I try and make her crack a smile. It works. We head through to the living room and a little Labrador puppy bounds through to the living room but stops and growl at my feet.  
  
"Just like his name sake huh!" Dawn giggles but I fail to see the joke...again.  
  
Buffy frowned at Dawn "Dawn, take Spike and go to your room. You have a mid- term tomorrow and it's getting late.  
  
"I'm home for one night and your already acting like mom!" Dawn huffed but picked up the puppy and stomped upstairs.  
  
I took the seat furthest from Buffy so at least, if she tried to stake me, I could make a run for it! I watch a small part of the video. Buffy is dancing with Xander, her silver dress clinging to her body and sliding over her like liquid as she moved.  
  
"So?"  
  
"So." I answered back.  
  
"Angel, why are you here?"  
  
"I'm back." Was all I could say.  
  
"For how long?"  
  
"Forever!"  
  
As she flung her arms around my neck all I could think of was 'What was Cora doing?'  
  
THE HOTEL.  
  
Cordelia was still sitting on the floor, her eyes swollen with crying. She looked at the window. The dawn was just settling into the sky, a tiny orange ridge shining on the horizon. Her eyes flew to a picture which sat on the mantelpiece above the extinguished fire. Conner was lying down on the baby blue blanket Cordelia had bought him for coming home in after they had him checked out at the hospital. The tears stopped as she stared into Conners chocolate eyes.  
  
"I've lost him, I won't lose you too." She muttered to the photo as if Conner was in the room.  
  
Cordelia picked herself off the floor and stumbled towards the bathroom. A plan was already filing her mind. The determination was set on her face as the hot water washed away the salty tears but not the pain.  
  
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This is a story that will have in my eyes the happiest ending possible with a start like this but where it goes….nobody know…not even me 


	3. Rack 'em, Stack 'em and Pack 'em

Chapter 3 - 'Rack 'em, Stack 'em and Pack 'em!'  
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Cordelia landed with ease in the new dimension. She had been at this for 3 years and her hope was as thin as a silk thread. She adjusted the backpack on her back that held all her worldly belongings. If the Sunnydale crew could see her now, they wouldn't believe it that the only make-up she wore was rose lip gloss and that her attire wardrobe was black and only 12 pieces big. In all the dimension hopping she had been through, she had visited 'Sunnydale' three times. The first time, there was no Buffy and the town was like the wish, a blood bath, a ghost town where front gardens had turned into cemeteries and people had stopped burying the dead as they were just going to rise anyway. The Master ruled supreme. She knew Holtz wasn't there, she couldn't feel Conner anywhere. The second time it had just been like a normal town, both night and day. No Vampires, no demons, no bump in the night stuff. Cordelia had a strong attachment to stay but after two weeks there, she failed to find Holtz or Conner and she had to leave when she seen her own grave. She had died at 16. The third time she stayed for months. She had seen Holtz, fought Holtz and just about managed to get away with her life when a dark figure picked her up from the ground and took him back to his house. When she awoke and seen those familiar brown eyes staring back at her she found it too hard to leave. But in the end she knew that she would have to move on and, more likely than not, meet another version of Angel.   
  
She did but now Holtz stayed clear of the Hell Mouth and wandered far across the world. As she track Holtz, she saw Conner grow. Holtz taught him how to fight, taught him how to hate. She could still remember the day that she heard Conner call Holtz 'dad'. Her mind flashed to Angel. He should be with his son, he should have got to see his first steps, not Holtz.   
  
Cordelia hunted like a primed animal, finding Holtz hiding out in Paris' Latin Quarter. She has spent 3 years tracking him and now she had him. There was no Justine, no minions, just one-on-one. Angel had taught her well before…before…she couldn't even think about that now. She had to concentrate on getting Conner back. She had spotted Holtz in a park, stalking, keeping up his habits. He hadn't recognised her, well why should he? He hadn't seen her for 6 years. Her hair was long again, her attire completely black and close fitting to her body. Their battle insured in an empty park. Each sword swipe met with a counter move. Cordelia hadn't decided what would claim her first; Holtz's sword or the fatigue that was claiming her body. She took advantage of the older opponents tiredness and swung for his stomach. The sword caught his abdomen and left a 12 inch gash across it. Holtz fell to the ground. Cordelia took advantage and ran. She ran to the house where Holtz was staying and found the small boy sleeping in a single bed, covers pulled up around him. Cordelia inserted the sword back into the holder on her back and hovered over the child. She pushed him gently on the shoulder and gasped as two familiar brown eyes stared back at her.   
  
"What's happening? Where's dad?" Conner asked gripping the covers for sheer life.  
  
"Your daddy was a bad man and he's gone. I'm gonna take care of you now. Nothing will ever hurt you again. I promise. What did your daddy call you?" Cordelia asked, now kneeling by the bedside.  
  
"He called me Conner."  
  
Cordelia smiled that Holtz had kept his real name. At least she could hold on that part of Angel now. "Well, Conner, you're gonna come home with me. I have a big house now and we can live together. You can go to school and be normal."   
  
Conner smiled and drifted off to sleep again. He felt a strange connection with the brown hair woman who had come to take care of him. A family connection. Cordelia adjusted the sword on her back and pick Conner up, covers and all. She cradled him close to her chest and pulled the covers closer to his small body. She headed out of the door and sprinted easily to the place where she had arrived in this dimension. The black scorch mark was still visible on the ground. She stood in it and whispered:  
"Powers That Be, I have found your Light. I request that you send us back to where we come from. I ask this as a Seer and Warrior to you. You are Duty bound." Cordelia saw Holtz stagger out of the darkness. She cursed quietly as not wake Conner. "Don't screw me over this time!" She begged the PTB.  
  
The blue and purple portal opened around them, bathing them in a blueish haze. Conner woke up, fascinated by the pretty colours. Holtz tried to reach for his 'son' but only felt a burning sensation as the portal closed around them.   
  
Cordelia opened her eyes slowly as the light dimmed through her eyelids. She looked around in wonder at a home she hadn't seen in 3 years. A mature looking man peeled himself out of the shadows.  
  
"I wondered when you would be back. It's been a long time." He spoke in a horse voice filled with sleep.  
  
Cordelia held the child closer to her but loosened her grip once she recognised the face staring back at her. "Gunn. You waited for me."  
  
"Damn right Barbie. You think I was letting a pad like this go, you must be crazy. Sure you those visions aren't affecting you." A gasp caught in his throat as he saw the bundle in Cordelias arms. "Cordelia. You found him?" Gunn took a few steps closer.  
  
"Yeah. He's back and this time I won't let him go. He's back with his family." Only now that she was back at a place she could consider home did she let her emotions show. For the first time since Angel left, she cried.  
  
Gunn walked up to his friend and put a light arm around her shoulder. "It's OK Barbie, you're home now."  
  
Cordelia looked up at him with sad eyes. "But this isn't home. I don't want to stay here anymore. Plus Holtz might come back and I am not letting him take my son away again. I won't, not again."  
  
"It's OK, We'll leave. Set up somewhere else. This arrived for you about two years ago." Gunn handed her a gold engraved envelope. "It's Angels handwriting." Gunn stated cautiously.  
  
Cordelia's face remained passive. She turned the envelope over in her free hand and then turned away. There was a small clatter as the envelope hit the bottom of the trash bin. "Well I would be 2 years too late or maybe I was 6 years too late huh? I'm going to put him in my bed then we'll start making arrangements to leave. New York is a nice place to bring up kids huh?" She stroked the side of Gunn's face. "Your looking good Gunn." She smiled sadly at him before turning away and going up the marble stair case.  
  
Upstairs she undressed Conner and dressed him in one of Angels old shirts, still smelling for the Vampire long gone. He snuggled himself into the plush covers and fell into a deep sleep. Cordelia watched Conner sleep for an hour, stroking his brown hair away from his face. She couldn't help but listen him breathe, unable to believe he was back.  
  
  
When she went back downstairs., Gunn was packing up the computers and files. A.I was packing up and moving home. She looked around the Hotel and grimaced at the good and bad memories that flooded to her.  
  
"So what is the game plan here?" Gunn asked as he packed away the last of Wesleys tomes.   
  
"I think it is time to call in some old contacts and get out of here. I'll understand if you wanna stay Gunn. I mean you have your crew and Fred is still here."  
  
Gunn looked away in pain and guilt then his eyes flew to the sun-lit courtyard. Cordelia walked towards it and saw the marble stone glinting in the sunlight.  
  
"Oh Gunn I am so sorry. I never knew. I would have come back…How long?" Cordelia asked gingerly.  
  
"Two years, 4 months and 3 days. Childbirth. I lost them both. I don't want to stay here anymore. You let the memories stay and you'll live and die in them."  
  
"They are too much for us huh? I guess New York is the best move."  
  
"Wow, dimension jumping really made you a wise one Barbie." Gunn smiled at her.  
  
"Dido. Now let me see if we still have the number." She flicked through the rolla-fax on the reception desk. "Bingo."  
  
She picked up the phone and dialled the unfamiliar number praying that he was still alive and at least remembered her.  
  
"Hello David. It is Cordelia Chase at Angel Investigations. We need your help."  
  
She could almost hear David jump for joy on the other end of the phone. "So the Dark Avenger needs my help. Sure I'll do anything."  
  
"Need you to hook me up with some offices in New York. A new base for Angel Investigations."  
  
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OK, Those that know my work, you know what kind of a shipper i am but this is just a different edge on it. It isn't until the final chapter (Chapter 6) that i will reveal just where the heart of this story lies. OK. Please don't ask me what shipper it is or you will ruin the story!!!  
  
Nuttyginger 


	4. Better Left Alone

Chapter 4 – 'Better Left Alone.'  
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The sleek, black Jaguar glided smoothly into town, never making more than a gentle purr. Cordelia had never wanted to come back here but she had been back long enough so that Conner felt safe when she left him, he finally trusted Gunn and the other kids were great company for him. She smiled as she peeled down the visor. Tucked into a clear plastic pocket was a small picture of Conner and Gunn playing football out in the sun. Gunn had tackled him and Conner had managed to escape his arms but not his hands as two hands clasped onto his legs and pulled him to Gunn's chest. Gunn had rolled them over so that Conner was giggling and struggling to extract himself from Gunns' grasp. Cordelia had caught the happy occasion on camera. It was one of their many trips to the park. Now trips to the park were like mobilising a small army. Baby bags had to be packed, toilet trips had to be organised and then there was the same on the trip back home. Cordelia loved every minute of it and new that she wouldn't have changed it for the world. That's why she was asking herself why she had made the trip, which now took 7 hours! What was the big deal about the Hellmouth that had now been sealed? The only demons around were the ones that had already escaped their own Hell dimension. Sunnydale wasn't a place she called home anymore. There was nothing here for her anymore but she still needed closer on that chapter of her life.   
  
It had been 2 years since she had left California but still she recognised every site and every sound. She parked the car up in a sunlit street and walked around, trying to block out painful memories. The 'Bronze' came into view except it wasn't called the 'Bronze' anymore it was not 'Espionage'. It was a smart new club, proper bouncers on the door and not a Vampire in sight. There was a new Junior High School on the site of the old Sunnydale High. But the streets all looked the same, trees in full bloom, flowers displayed brightly in the gardens. She cautiously approached Buffys house. She could feel him before she saw him. The shiver still ran down her spine every time he was near her.  
  
"Daddy, throw me the ball. Dad." The little boy whined.   
  
Cordelia stood back in shock as she saw Angel playing ball in the middle of the day, under the sunshine. He was throwing a baseball to a little blonde haired boy. The little boy looked around 8 years old. A little girl sat under the shade of the tree that stood in the Summers garden. She was drawing on a pad that was nestled in the neatly cut lawn. Angel looked up and scanned the trees across the street where she was hidden. Cordelia ducked further into the shade. Angels was distracted from his search by a pair of hands hitting his legs.   
  
"Dad, what are you looking at?"  
  
Angel turned and patted the boy on the head, ruffling his hair. The little boy fought back fallibly. "Nothing Doyle." Angel looked over to the girl playing in the grass. "Cora, you wanna play?"  
  
"No dad. I'm sure Doyle likes it better."  
  
Cordelia pained at hearing some other child calling Angel 'Dad' when it really should be Conner as well. She was proud as well. Angel had finally achieved his Shansu. It mustn't have been long after he left her in LA. It decided, in Cordelia's mind, that Angel had found his destiny after all.  
  
She watched as a petite blonde exited the Summers house. Buffy looked radiant in the sunshine. She knelt down beside Cora and whispered something in her ear causing her to giggle. Cordelia felt her heart break. Angel looked haunting back to the trees and tried to hone in on her but his Vampire senses left when he turned human. Cordelia, on the other hand, still and her demotic senses heard Buffy calling in the children for lunch. Cordelia's heart couldn't take the pain any more. She turned slowly and walked across the street, careful to make sure that Angel had gone inside. She however didn't see the disbelieving eyes that watched her from the window but Angel put the site down to a trick of the light and turned to the callings of Buffy to come to the table. Cordelia drove back towards LA, just a little further away from the life she could have had and closer to the life she now had. Not that she would give that one up for the world.  
  
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Just a scene setter for the next chapter…you'll see. I am being very mysterious about this story huh? Ha ha ;oP 


	5. Revelations and Confusions But Where Are...

Ok this is a long chapter because it is the main chapter of the story, the chapter that inspired the story. Just a warning!!!!!  
  
Chapter 5 – 'Revelations and Confusions But Where Are the Answers?  
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He was 18 now. Everything was topsy-turvy. His life wasn't all it used to be. Everyone was gone now and he was left to the world along. His mother hadn't left him without support, in fact he was set for life if he wanted to but something at the back of his mind kept nagging him to find the truth. Nothing had been kept from him but he didn't want to upset his mother even though she encouraged him to find the man she called Angel…his father. There had been pictures she shown him, clothes that she had kept but nothing really that would directly tie him to his father. His mum had died three years before and he had lost his mentor and farther figure when he was 9. Conner climbed out of the hired Mercedes and walked across the street to the little suburban house that sat on a leafy street. Innocent and normal unlike the impression his mother had given him of it. He was surprised to still see it standing. He looked at the tree that was growing in the garden. There were names carved into its trunk. 'C-O-R-A' 'D-O-Y-L-E' and in a heart was 'B-U-F-F-Y + A-N-G-E-L'. He felt his heart twist. Imagine if his mom had ever seen this, her heart would have broken. The man that was inside that house was man who had hurt his mom beyond all pains. He knew that she had never got over his fathers betrayal. Conner knocked solidly on the front door, which he noticed had small nicks out of the wood. A young girl, around his age, opened the door and looked quizzically at him.  
  
"Can I help you?" She asked, her voice strangely sweet.  
  
"Yeah, I am looking for your father. Angel. Is he in?" Conner asked trying to sound less frightened.  
  
The girl turned around and yelled into the house. "DAD! SOMEONE AT THE DOOR FOR YOU!"   
  
Conner heard heavier footsteps come through the hall. He held in a gasp as he saw the man who's face had echoed photographs that his mom had shown him. The face had aged and his skin darkened but he supposed that was because he had had access to the sun now unlike his LA days.  
  
"I'm Angel Summers, how can I help you?" Angel looked at the young man on his doorstep and felt like he should know him. Nothing prepared him for what Conners answer was.  
  
"My name is Conner Chase. My mom told me that you were my father." Conner said simply, letting his words sink in. He had, had years to deal with this but this man had only had a few minutes.  
  
"C…Con…Conner? It is really you?" Angel recoil as if he had just received an electric shock. "It...It can't be. I saw you…Holtz took you into…Hell."  
  
"Can I come in instead of talking about this here? I mean, it would be easier for both of us if we sat down. Trust me."  
  
Angel lead him inside and sat him down on one of the terracotta couches in the living room. Conner could see Cora hanging around outside the door on the phone. She put the phone down and wondered into the room.  
  
"I'm going over to Michelle's to give you some space to talk. Maybe get to see you again sometime Conner." Cora picked her bag up from beside the couch and picked up a pair of car keys under Angels nose and quickly left.  
  
"Let me guess, you don't know where to start huh? I was like that when mom told me the story. I asked lots of questions and she had all of the answers well she thought she did! How about I give you the story?" Angel could do little but nod. "Well when Holtz took me, I was only a few weeks old. Then Holtz took me to a home in another dimension. It wasn't that he sent me to a hell dimension; it was just that he had a red portal because he wasn't pure of heart. You know, kinda like the light sabres in the old film 'Starwars'? Red equals evil and blue equals good?" He saw Angel wasn't getting it. "Never mind. When mom started to come after it, Holtz took me on the run with him because he knew that mom wouldn't stop until she found me. Too many people underestimate mom. She brought me back to this reality and I was so scared all the time, I wouldn't come out of my room so mom came up and we drew in my room, cooked in my room and gradually she got me out of that room and took me to the park. She always said that I had your talent for drawing. I went to school, helped mom out at home."  
  
Angel put his hand up in the air to stop Conners story. "Conner, if you are my son, your mother died during childbirth. Are sure you have the right person?"  
  
"Darla!" Conner spat out the name. "She's was never my mom. My mother was called Cordelia Chase. You should know, you used to be with her."  
  
"Cora?" Angel muttered in disbelief.  
  
Conner felt for the man in front of him. "After you left her to come back here, she came after me. She kept on searching and fighting for 3 years until she managed to find me and bring me home. She became a warrior. I stopped calling her Cordy after the other children showed up. I called her mom one day like the other kids did and she started to cry. Uncle Gunn said it was fine 'cos they were tears of joy, something he hadn't seen her cry in years." When Conner mentioned Gunn he hung his head in sadness.  
  
"What happened to Gunn?" Angel asked curiously.  
  
"Gunn died when I was 10. Holtz came back to find me and Cordelia was out signing foster papers. Gunn tried to protect me but Holtz killed him. He died in hospital after mom came back and killed Holtz. When they read his will out he left everything to mom and the kids but he put in a line that he didn't want us to cry at the funeral 'cos mom was never to cry tears of sadness again so she cried tears of joy that he could be with his sister at last."  
  
"So Cordelia found you and rescued you and didn't bother to tell me or even let me see you? Do know how long I have grieved?" Angel shouted angrily.  
  
"Not as long as she grieved over you I bet. She was protecting me." Conner shouted back, calming his voice again. " Remember Holtz was after you and using me to do. If I wasn't around you, he couldn't hurt you. Don't be so one track minded!"  
  
"So Gunn and Cordelia had some children together huh? I always thought they would get together." Angel said sadly.  
  
"Nah. Mom and Gunn were never together thought the kids were convinced of it. They used to hold hands around the others just to wind them up." Conner let out a small laugh. "Mom only loved two men in her life; you and me. Mom couldn't have kids 'cos of the accident with the rebar. When she caught Xander cheating?" He waited for Angel to nod. "She fostered and adopted lots. Over a 100 kids passed thought The Pad. That's what we called the house where Angel Investigations was; she kept your name sake. Wells he had all this money and wanted always wanted lots of kids. Guess this was the next best thing. Gunn never forgave you for leaving mom, he said you were weak and a 'Son of a Dog' He used to call yo that instead of Angel and mom slapped him up the head every time."  
  
"Where is Cordelia now?" Angel asked desperate to see her again. "Did she come with you?"  
  
Conner looked sadly at the floor and wiped a small tear away. "Angel, I'm so sorry. She died three years ago. We were on a vision and a demon beat her in to a pole sticking out of some concrete at the cement works at an industrial estate. Angel she was a half demon but even that couldn't save her. The doctors couldn't do anything. She died three days later. I was there, all the kids were there." Conner put a solid hand on Angels shoulder. "Angel, you are the last one left. Don't let their memories make you brood. Mom would come down and slap you upside the head and you know she would."  
  
Angel laughed at how much HIS son sounded like CORDELIA.  
  
"Angel, can I ask you a question?" Conner asked a hint of fear in his voice.  
  
"Sure, ask away. I bet there is a lot you want to know."  
  
"Well no not really, mom filled me in. I just wanted to know why did you leave her and did you ever love her?"  
  
"I loved Cora more than you will ever know but I was constantly scared. You know how things turned out with Buffy first time around? I was scared that it would turn out like that again. I was constantly on my mind. She told me to leave and I left because I didn't deserve her anymore. I used to leave her early in the morning and go to a beach just up the pacific Highway. I used to sit there until dawn. It was special place to us both and I could sit there to remember the good times, the time when I wasn't scared. I told her I loved her as I left, I even have the jumper she gave me for my birthday. It still smells of her. I have never loved Buffy as much as love her. I have thought about her everyday since I left. Wrote her letters and everything. But you have to understand that I was constantly being told that Buffy was my destiny and that she was my Chosen One. I can't deny what prophecies say. Most of them are true. All except the one that took you from me. Buffy offered me a safe love where Cora was always unpredictable. Must be the name. My daughter Cora is the same. Strong headed and pig-stubborn. So I choose a life with Buffy. But I still loved Cordelia too."  
  
"But you have kids with Buffy. She came to see you one day and seen you playing with them in the garden. Doyle called you 'daddy'. You must have loved her to marry her and have kids with her."  
  
"I never married Buffy. Look!" Angel held up his hand. "Doyle and Cora aren't mine. When I came back Buffy was already pregnant by a one night stand that went wrong. I never thought badly for her for it. I offered to help and let her write my name on the birth certificate. I only got my Shansu on the 23rd of April 3 years after I came here."  
  
"That was when I came back to this dimension. It must have been mom setting you free at last huh? Mom got a wedding invitation when she got back with me. It was your handwriting. She didn't open it thought"  
  
"That was for Xander and Anyas wedding! I wrote the invitations to save them money and Anya loved my script! Where is Cordelia bur…Buried?" Angel asked as a lone tear ran down his cheek.  
  
"She buried in a cove in LA. She always called LA her home even though we moved to New York 12 years ago. Visit is some time. She would like it. You don't have to worry about. She was a warrior of the Powers; they look after their own in their own way. I am going to leave now. Here." He handed Angel a business card with a deformed lobster on it or in other words the A.I logo. "Like Mother and Father, like Son huh! I have to get back to New York. My girlfriend is waiting for me. I promise I will visit again but I think we still have a ghosts to let go of Angel."  
  
When Angel finally drew his eyes away from the business card that was still familiar to him Conner was gone, the front door blowing in the wind.  
  
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That was a long chapter for a reason explained at the top of the page so don't flame me for it!   
  
OK the next chapter is the last chapter. It is where all is made clear and people will finally get the shipperish of this whole story.   
  
I am really proud of this story cos I got to play with a character that remains undeveloped in the series so I get to mould and shape at will. I ain't manipulative at all (!) 


	6. Finding a Resolution

Chapter 6 - 'Finding a Resolution'  
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Angel could feel the sand between his toes, the warm sunshine beating down on his face. He never tired of the feeling and now that Conner had told him why he had Shansued, he loved it even more. The cove was special to both of them, quiet due to the rocks that you had to scramble across to get to it. The sands were the purest white, the ocean a clear blue. Cordelia used to dive into the waters, braving the cold at midnight. She used to say it made her feel so alive. The headstone sat at the edge of the beach looking out over the vast blue. He smiled. She always did like a room with a view. The headstone was warm to touch, reflecting the suns rays and tiny flecks of shells on the stone shimmering in the light. It took him a few minutes to bring himself to look at the headstone. He knew that once he did he would have to admit to himself that she was gone and not coming back. His fingertips felt what his eyes wouldn't see. He could feel the smoothness of the marble below his pads and felt the indent where the inscription began. Finally he looked. The tears rolled from his eyes when he saw the first word 'Cora'. He cried because she was gone. he cried because she still kept his pet name for her, he cried because he was the weak one and had left her all those years ago.  
  
His fingers traced the inscription:  
  
'Cora Chase 22-5-1981 to 23-6-2017  
A Mother To Many,  
A Friend To Many More,  
You Will Be Missed,  
But You Are In Our Hearts.  
  
She had been 36 years old…To young to die, too young to have been through what he had put her threw. He sat down beside the grave and huddled himself against it.  
  
"You know Cora, I never wanted to leave you all those years ago. I wanted to stay but you told me to go. I ran away because I was scared. I was scared that we would end up like Buffy and I. The tragic Romeo and Juliet as you called us. I never ever wanted to put you through that pain. it nearly broke Buffy and I didn't want to break you too. God you would never believe how much I loved you. I mean I loved you so much that it hurt. I know you thought that I never worried about losing my soul when I was with you, you anchored my soul but I was scared that one day you would stop loving me as much and my soul would go. I realised once I left that because Conner was gone my soul or my heart would ever feel perfect happiness again. I used to wake up in the morning and watch you sleeping then the fear would overwhelm me again and I would have to leave you. I came here you know. This was a place that help the one perfect memory for me, where I felt happiest. This is where we first made love. Do you remember?" He paused as if waiting for an answer. "I brought you out here after the bad vision. I just wanted you to feel something happy so I brought you out here. You called this my 'Brooding Spot'. You took off your shoes and striped to your underwear and just dove in. You didn't realise how cold it was until you came up for air. You screamed like a banshee." He laughed slightly. "Then you realised that the demon part of you protected you from the cold. You still came out shivering. I wrapped you up in my coat and you try to shout at me for letting you dive in there. You looked so cute with your hair all tangled and wet, your lips going a funny shade of blue and I shut you the only way I knew how. I kissed you. Oh boy you squirmed at first but then you gave in. That was the most amazing night of my life. Trust me it still is even after 295 years that I've been around."  
  
He looked out to the ocean and remember the night with crystal clarity. He could still hear the shrieks on the wind and the moaning in his ear. The way Cordelia had writhed underneath him, making him go back to the Plymouth to get a blanket to lie on.  
  
"Thank-you for finding my son. I'm was angry that you didn't tell me he was back but Conner explained it to me. He's a wise one Cora, wonder where he got it from huh! He's so like you. He told me about all the kids you and Gunn adopted. I'm glad you got the big family you always wanted and Conner showed me some of their pictures. You looked so happy when they were around you. If you have li...if your were still ali...here, I could imagine you as a grandma with little grand kids sitting on your knee, telling them stories of the old days. Would you tell them about me?  
  
"Cordelia, I never married Buffy, Cora and Doyle aren't my children. I didn't want any with anyone except you. I never told Buffy that but we decided that an ex-Slayer and ex-Vampire didn't need anymore than two kids. The invitation you received was for Xander and Anyas wedding, well renewing their vows. I wrote the addresses to save money for them. I can't believe you thought I would be as callous as to send you an invitation to my own wedding. Wow, you wouldn't believe Conner. He can fight and he's pretty good at running the business. I like Rachel as well. She keeps him grounded and she understands what exactly goes on in the business. I see a lot of you in her, mind you, I see you everywhere. I wrote you a letter everyday you know. I keep them in a box above my closet. There is 15 years worth in there. Guess I didn't have the guts to send any of them."  
  
The tears began to flow down Angels face again. "Go I wish you were still here and then maybe we could try and be friends, talk things out. I was such a fool to leave you. I mean I not even with Buffy any more. I left when Conner came back. I didn't want to live a lie anymore and she understood. She knew where my heart lay after all. I'm gonna go but I will come back. Soon. I promise. Hope you don't mind me rambling by your grave for a while. I'm going to see Conner again today. He has some important news. I think he finally asked Rachel to marry him. I think 20 is too young but he would be stupid if he left her go. Trust me I know."  
  
Angel stood up and stood back in front for the grave. He kissed his fingertips and pressed them against the gravestone. "I still love you Cora, always." He wipe a stray tear away and began to walk away. He picked up a familiar scent of strawberries and Jasmine in the air. He smiled to himself. Forgiveness was a sweet thing.  
  
*~*FIN*~*  
  
Well what you think huh? Speak up. can't hear you. I know why don't just fill in that little form down there and I'll hear you better. Did you guess the Shipper...if not read the thing again. I couldn't make it any clearer!!!!  
  
Nutty 


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